WHAT SHOULD I DO TO CHANGE MYSELF???

so many human being gave me plenty of advise and idea...
it seems like easy to hear and easy to talk
but when i want to do it...
it is far then my expectation...


must i suffer like some of them beside me
which had lost their beloved
and they grow matured on certain important things
must i go through that only can be more matured??

always say i am not matured enough??
heh!!!
WHY MUST I FORCE MYSELF TO WHAT YOU ALL WANT??
i live in this world FOR WHO'S GOODS??
for you people??
for god??
T.T.........
3 or 4 days already...
wednesday...
friday...n
saturday...
i am tired...
off all this things which you had given to me...
GOD COULD YOU LEAD ME THE WAY??
i cant find my own way...
I AM LOST!!!

from sperm and ovum until now...
i am just following other people's way...
I think many people also like that...
but i want to have my own way which people accept my way
IS THAT SO DAMN FREAKING DIFFICULT??
is it wrong from not hurting anyone??


Why should i be Leo?? Why Why??
....
must i be so lonely until the day i die??
lonely as in nobody besides and around me...



"Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely"
song of my love....